Reinvention Day 40: today I woke up realizing that the Universe has given me MANY opportunities to feel the abundance and prosperity from her.  YET, to almost everyone of these opportunities, I have chosen to see and react from a LACK place.  It’s amazing how I can spin it in my head to tell myself that I still don’t have enough.  Et Voila, I dedicate my effort and thoughts today and the days forward to stop this pattern and simply feel the abundance and prosperity that I truly have.

That means NO MORE:

-  whining that I don’t have enough

-  “Yea but, you don’t understand, it’s good today, but tomorrow I wont have enough, therefore I have to….”

-  Cheating and lying: walking away knowing that the clerk has undercharged me.  My recent story has me paused in my track:

I just drove away from a 3 day silent meditation retreat.  It was 7am.  I decided to stop by their little tiny independently owned bookstore, to buy the recording of the teachers’ teaching.  I picked up some other books and some post cards too.  The owner was one of those hippie looking, eye shining from too much meditation and green food, easy and peaceful spirit guy.  He was so thrilled that I wanted to learn more, he got really busy telling all the cool stuff about Buddhism and meditation.  I was anxious to get back to life and a radio show appointment that was coming up.  When he rang me up, he got everything but the two CD’s, which totaled to about $10.  The bill came to $56 (without those CD’s).  I stood there and wondered if that was true, pondered for a tiny second if I should inquire about the completion of his tally.  But my FEAR of NOT HAVING ENOUGH MONEY gripped me.  It was so relieved that I didn’t have to pay this extra $10.  As if that is going to save me from some great poverty cycle.  So I walked away quickly with my steal.

I felt AWEFUL.  My spirit felt dirty and chalked up with cheating and lying.  All the hard work of sitting and cleaning out my thoughts for 3 full days, completely ruined by this one action.

I justified that I didn’t have enough time to deal with going back to pay, etc…  But I knew it.  My decision to cheat was directly a result of my belief that I don’t have enough.

I MUST SURRENDER UP THIS FEAR, if I am going to have a shot at truly reinventing myself!

So my friends out there… what do you need to surrender up that is killing you and your spirit?